Foul language at work

Feeling bored? How about a big laugh?
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grayfox666
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Post by grayfox666 » 21 May 2008, 2:05 am

Found this on one of the us forums.

apparently was sent to Verison employees in US.

Quote:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the normal
conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some
employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no
longer be tolerated. We do however realize the critical importance of
being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with
co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING"
phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and
information can continue in an effective manner.

1. TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2. TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3. TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4. TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5. TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me!

6. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7. TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.

8. TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9. TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10. TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn't you tell me sooner?

11. TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

12. TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13. TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14. TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.

15. TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
16. TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job s_cks.

17. TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18. TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.




AIRPORT crazinest!!!

Quote:
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one, reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in %#%$.

S: Something tightened in %#%$



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.





P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.



P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.




P: Number 3 engine m issing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in %#%$

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

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Tamu
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Post by Tamu » 21 May 2008, 4:10 am

hahaha, that was hilarous grayfox!!! most of the things listed above are what i usually said in office!! even with the manager :P
the UPS joke was awesome. surprising in such a delicate business ppl find the time to joke around with such things!! :P...

+100000000 ...best joke in a long time :D

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RasHooD
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Location:Sharjah - UAE

Post by RasHooD » 21 May 2008, 8:57 am

awesome post buddy! (Y)

loved every bit of it!

Cheers...

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Moheem
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Post by Moheem » 24 Nov 2008, 12:32 pm

Good One dude!! oh man...dont believe they actually do that :P



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